"There is no easy way out;
there's no short cut home"

Rocky IV

"Narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it."

Matthew 7:14

"Let goods and kindred go; this mortal life also"

Martin Luther (A Mighty Fortress is Our God)

I was in Wal-Mart and I heard a song that had these words:

"Life is not trying-it is merely surviving, if you're standing outside the fire."

I don't know who sings it but it sounded like country music.

I don't know what the song was supposed to mean. I only know what it means to me.

God, please don't ever let me stand outside the fire.

"Who is like US, a people saved by the Lord?
Our enemies shall submit to us,
and we shall tread down their high places."
Deut. 33:29 NKJV

Okay, I took liberties with the pronouns.

This is how I minister to myself. When I have no other minister.

How I stir myself up, when no one is around to egg me on.

When no one can show me the way, to tell me it's going to be okay, to help me find answers when answers refuse to come.

I don't let words like mankind make me think that God left me, a woman, out. I put my own name in verses that God is speaking to me. Maybe He is speaking it to someone else also, but when I read it, it is for me alone. Him and me. Me and Him. No one knows me like He does. No one, not even my loving family, can love me the way He does. He knows every evil thing and still draws me near. He does not despise my brokenness.

I don't let words like "saint" put me off anymore. I know I am righteous in Christ, even if my insecurities and failures mock me and tell me that I'm not. I don't allow myself to believe the lies anymore.

I didn't say they still don't haunt me, especially in that moment just before sleeping, or just before waking. Vulnerable times. The lies. I still hear them sometimes. I just don't receive them anymore. I know where they come from. They come from a devil, they come from my mind, they come from my memory, they come from my sin. The sin that led me to Christ to begin with, and the sin that tries to hold me captive still, if only in my head.

So, just WHO is a people like US? He has caused us to tread down the high places, the places of injury and sickness, evil and ungodliness, the devices of devils that come, keep coming, after the people of God. He created us to be the way out of that. To be the light that draws every needy soul into Salvation.

Sometimes, it is like the light has gone out. It is dark and I can't see anything. In front is thick fog, behind are taunting memories. I am in a netherland and wonder when the clouds will clear.

Generally, I know the direction God is leading me. I just don't know the path. I have never followed this one before. I know where I am starting out, and which way to take. I just don't know what's at the end. It's like I am blindfolded and holding His hand. A little unsteady, a little trepidatious. Knowing Whose hand I hold, I can trust. I know I am going to be okay, because I am with my Love. It is the way of the Spirit. The way the Man of Sorrows took, the way of great Joy.

"And now,
for a little while,
grace has been shown from the Lord our God,
to leave us a peg in His holy place,
that our God may enlighten our eyes
and give us a measure of revival
in our bondage.

For we were slaves,
yet our God did not forsake us in our bondage;
but He extended mercy to us,
to revive us,
to repair the house of our God,
to rebuild it's ruins
and to give us a wall in Judah and Jerusalem."

Ezra 9:8,9