Now that the struggle to survive on the earth has essentially come to a close....I mean, it could start up again, but for the moment things have appeared to settle into something of a routine and I am looking back, like a PTSD survivor wondering what it all means.

God has been so good to me throughout this whole ordeal. I have never, not in my whole entire life, seen His hand so clearly holding me, even in my most questioning moments. At this time I have a place of my own to live, a little money, a comfy airbed, some candles, and nice new shower with the most wonderful hot water coming out of a new shower head. I have some new plants growing vigorously to cheer my mood day after day.... even a new coffeemaker and some Southern Pecan creamer in the fridge for the mornings when I need to wake up.

I haven't been able to take my ADHD med for two months because, well, even though it's relatively cheap, and I had a script to get it from my doctor in Honeoye Falls before I left NY (I still keep it in my wallet just in case I ever go to a doctor again and I can get him to give me a new one) I didn't have the money for a while to buy it, or at times when I did, I was too afraid to spend the money on that feeling that I might need that extra cash for something more important, like food or gas, and didn't want to spend it. It's okay now. I didn't start taking it till my late forties so it's not like I haven't lived most of my life without it anyway. Coffee helps. Caffeine is in the same category as most ADHD meds (it's a psycho-simulant) and most unmedicated hyperactive people self-medicate with coffee anyway.....ie. my husband Tom. That's probably why I've taken to drinking it every day in the past six months. With enough creamer it's palatable to me and definitely does the same thing for me that the med did.

Aside from that though, everything is going quite smoothly. My life is taking on all the earmarks of almost being.....dare I say it? Normal. I have food in my cupboards, more than enough for just little ol' me, especially since God has taught me through the fasting I've done the past 12 years how to go without for long periods of time without suffering too much, and maintaining the ability to stay healthy. Many times I have learned that when one fasts correctly you are much more healthy than when actually eating. It's an amazing thing. I don't have to do it any more at this time, but it is a handy thing to know how to do right and to be able to do when needed. Generally I used to wait until God told me to fast....and did not fast for the reason that I was being systematically starved out of house and home, but, well, either way.....I can do it. I might not be the smartest among the Rockwell girls but I'm persistent (which is why I was married for 36 years rather than the shorter times my sisters were married before leaving their husbands....and yes, it was they who left, not the husband), and I have endurance.

I could have endured to the end in this marriage but I do not believe that God was asking me to. If you disagree with that, that is your prerogative........that is very definitely what I believe, and you are not me, have not walked a mile in my shoes and need to shush. Two bloggers, one a very strong Christian, have written to me to tell me that the post I did about the things that have changed since I've been single could have been written by her years ago when she finally up and left her husband. My friend from the blogstream, "Anthony Casimire" is now living with his mother in a little house that they bought together. Anthony is Monster's friend and is the reason I know Monsterbox. Anthony's mother is a strong Christian in the Baptist persuasion. I mention that because Baptist's are known for taking a very strict line about divorce and submissions to one's husband. Well, she left her husband in April, in a very similar move to me even though we didn't know each other at the time. The only difference with her is that she planned it......I did not. She planned for two solid years how she was going to do it, saved money and bought herself a car in her own name, knowing, as I did not, that her husband would turn nasty when she left. He did just as she suspected but she had protected herself and her assets as I foolishly did not. My friend Claudette from New York also left her husband a few years ago, after 20 years of marriage (and she was a Christian the whole time) and planned her escape very carefully. In Claudette's case she was physically abused during those years of marriage. I would never lie and say that I was. My husband is waaaaay too passive/aggressive for that. He just shut the cable off after I finally found a channel I liked to watch during the hours that he was upstairs watching his own programs on TV. Yes, if you read between the lines on that, he cut off his nose to spite his face. He cut off the cable even though it was HIS life......just to spite me. He was proud of it too.

The ultimate "F You" though came the night he wanted to have sex with me but he hadn't taken a shower after three long days of work. His job was a very physical one and he needed daily showers, not weekly ones. In spite of being a two shower a day girl...a little OCD (I admit it) about that, I rarely said anything about it. That night I did.

He told me that he would take a shower after I lost 20 pounds. Whoa. Slaaaaaammmm. Didn't see that one comin'. I knew that he never liked my 5'7" broad shouldered size, preferring petite little girls like my three older sisters, but I've never been exactly obese. Most of you have seen a full shot of me at one time or another and would agree with that assessment. While I never claimed to be thin, I've never been a candidate for gastro-bypass even though I actually asked the doctor once if I could have that. He was stunned that I would even ask. Guess he didn't know what I was living with day after day.

I never dreamed that my husband was THAT unattracted to me. Combined with the insecurity about my weight that I grew up with, and the fact that my mother had been on me all of those years, I was already messed up in the head about food, to the point of having eating disorders back in the late '60's and early 70's before anything was known about them. That incident happened when my husband and I were in our thirties. The ironic thing about that is that when I began fasting for spiritual purposes in my mid forties (after I trusted myself not to get loopy about binging and purging) he would, around the 15 day, quite a vulnerable time, come and whisper in my ear that what I was doing was not healthy and that I should eat something. Don't worry, sweetums, I learned a long time ago that you do not speak the mind of the Lord to me.

The Bible may say, "Wives submit to your own husbands" (not the Pastor to whom you wanted me to submit when you figured you couldn't control me so much anymore)....but it also says, directly following, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and laid down His life for it". YOU lay down your life for ME? I would NEVER have expected it.....you couldn't even take a shower for me! What men truly don't realize is that if they would just put their wife and her needs before themselves, the wife, at least a truly Christian one, won't have to be told to 'submit'. She'll already be on her knees kissing his feet. Most women are nuturers by nature and WANT to take care of their husbands. It's only when they aren't treated right that they rise up and take action.

As I'm sure you have noticed, I have more than enough time to write these days, access to the internet to keep up on my blog and to start my new one, which essentially is my memoirs, such as they are. I'm not planning to get them published so if The Windemere Chronicles is only of interest to Peggy, her siblings, etc. that is enough compensation to me for writing it. It constantly amazes me of late how Peggy could write to me, totally out of the blue like that, and we could pick up again, almost like we never left off. That, to me, is the sign of a true friend. The Bible, in the book of Proverbs, says that "A friend is born for a time of trouble". I don't think that that is the only reason why God put Peggy in my life, as The Windemere Chronicles attest, but it would appear that it would be part of it, as my experience now is showing. We have known each other almost since we were born. Within five years of that anyway.

Now that the intensity of the struggle is over for the moment, hopefully for good, my mind races to understand the scope of what has transpired, what it means now and what it means to the future. Whether my family chooses to believe it or not, my faith has not only survived, it has flourished in the face of all of this. I have not only NOT felt abandoned by God, but I have felt many times, even when I felt like I was slipping into the gigantic darkness of all of the pain and rejection, that He was holding me, comforting me, telling me that I am not alone in the world. That is not to say that this has been easy......not by any stretch of the imagination. I have shed many, many tears, and probably will continue to at times. Do not be deceived...those tears do not signify weakness however. When I am weak, He makes me strong. Even Jesus wept. People forget that Jesus was even tempted in all ways like as we are. Even though He never succumbed to sin, He was still tempted......in ALL ways, like we are. That means that He can be a High Priest who understands and does not judge us. The Bible says that He did not come to condemn us, but to save us. I trust in that. I live in the light of that.

Last night was a great night. i was able to do something for a friend here and doing it for them feels like I am doing it for me too.

My friend saw an ad in the paper for free kittens. I could tell by the expression on their face that even though they were pretending not to care too much whether they got a kitten.....they really wanted one. We ended up getting two. Two little baby boy kitties. They aren't going to live with me but I am going to help take care of them and pay for the spaying, shots and even the food once in while. After we got back with the matching twin kitties, they are 6 weeks old, we laughed alot at their funny antics and we cried alot at some old memories of past kitties. All in all, in spite of some emotions (which are GOOD, btw, God Hisownself gave them to us and expects us to use them), the evening was wonderful and productive and the kitties are precious. They are almost completely orange, a little striped....very similar to Marmalade, a cat we saved from extinction once a long time ago. She had four kittens but the two I remember most were Carmie and Marmie. They weren't as twinified as these two but they were very cute and cuddly. I always said that of all the animals we had I should have kept those two. The kitties we took tonight both look like Marmie but there was another one we didn't take that looked a little bit like Carmie and Sugarbaby, another cat that belonged to one of my daughters years ago. Sugarbaby was a beautiful cat but kind of messed up in the head. Some cats get like that sometimes. Anyway, my friend felt that we should take the two that look alike because they didn't want to see them get split up and was afraid they would be. I think they were right.

Tomorrow will be a long day for me. Work, work, work.............don't get me wrong. I actually like it. The only time I didn't like working outside my house was when I had to come home after a long day, and still make dinner and do everything at home too.

There was a time when my three older kids were in Middle and High School and Barbie was 9 months old (she is 19 now) and in her first foster placement with us. I also had two other foster babies at the same time named Billy and Candy. They were brother and sister and were 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 respectively. On top of that, I worked 20-30 hours during the week at the grocery store. Between the store, three teenagers, three babies in diapers, and the housework, I WAS WHIPPED! Well, Billy and Candy had a younger brother Timmy who was 6 mos. old. He had been placed in an emergency home when they first came into care because his health was so precarious. The county felt that one foster parent shouldn't be asked to handle all of that. However, after he got better, the county called and wanted to place Timmy with us. I was torn. I was soooo tired at that point, but I loved all of the babies and didn't want to give up Billy and Candy. I knew that there was no way I would be able to handle all I was doing AND take a fourth baby in diapers. I turned them down. That meant that I lost Billy and Candy too. I have looked back for YEARS and thought that I wished I had kept them. They are in their early twenties now.

Since all this with my family has happened I'm kind of glad now that we didn't adopt any more than we did. I always felt that we did the best we could with the kids and when I look at them in the light of the generation of kids out there I think we DID do a good job with them. I mean, they are either working or in school, mostly responsible, at least as much as most kids their age, and after some bumps in the road have turned out fairly well. It's hurt me that they have all turned on me this way and don't try to get in touch with me, especially Jenny, Brandy and Mike to whom Denis and I reached out a LOT, but that is on them now. Getting the kitties tonight reminded me of how I had planned to get a couple for the basement at Angus and the 14 house and how I told Brandy that if she didn't go back to school in the fall that she could get a dog. I wonder if she has.

Writing The Windemere Chronicles is probably not terribly interesting to anyone who wasn't there at the time, but I have heard from both Peggy and Janie that they are enjoying my memories of them and their family and that's all that's really important to me as I write it. As for me, it's been very cathartic. The past five months have not only been stressful but painful and remembering those early years reminds me that my life has not always been as it's seems now. It also reminds me of what wonderful friends God has blessed me with. I remember once my mother telling me that I have been very lucky in my choice of friends. I don't consider it 'luck', but okay, yeah, I agree with the sentiment.

I'm not exactly in what you would call a 'routine' just yet, but it's coming. I am working close to 40 hours a week, have my little apartment which just keeps getting more and more plant and candle-ified, and I don't feel quite the pressure that I did to be so careful not to eat in case I run out before the month is up. The first few nights in my apartment were scary and I dragged my airbed into the giant walk in closet and slept in there. It's funny because I've always thought of myself as being at least moderately claustrophobic, but I not only didn't mind sleeping in the closet, it actually gave me comfort to know I was closed in like that. Now I sleep out in the living room (not in the bedroom) because I have all of my plants, candles, encyclopedias, etc. out here. It's very cozy and I like it alot. I am getting used to being by myself and actually kind of like it at times. That surprises me too because I didn't think I would ever like living alone. Well, knowing that Peggy and Janie are out there, and you guys too........I don't feel so alone anyway.

I think I am going to get myself an internet card, similar to the one I had (before it was suddenly turned off on me with out being told) so that I won't always have to go and hi-jack wireless zones at KFC, the local taco place, etc. It's not so bad now, but come wintertime I don't think I'm going to want to sit in my car for 2 hours in the cold. Brrrrrrr!

Not so much more to tell right now. Please, please, pleeeeeese pray for me. I spent many years not knowing if anyone ever prayed for me. Now that I know some of you do, I can feel the strength that comes from them. Please don't stop. I know that God is with me wherever I go. I know that He has not forsaken me and never will. I know my Redeemer lives, and I will stand with Him on that day. God is sooooo good, isn't He?

PS. I JUST discovered that I can get a wireless zone in the parking lot RIGHT OUTSIDE of where I work! YAY FOR ME! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoooooo! Where is James when I need him? Yeeeeow! I feel GOOD! Do-do-do-do-do-do-doooooo!

Now that I live by myself:

1.) I clean the kitchen at 2am.

2.) I take care of my own bills.
I found out that the one thing I dreaded all of these years....taking care of finances...isn't all that hard. The people I make my car payments to are awesomely helpful....Mary, my car insurance lady is the absolute patientest (is that a word?) person I have EVER met, treats me with the utmost respect especially since I freely admit I have no clue what I'm doing and don't pretend to know more than I do. I have my very own "personal banker" at the bank I am using. Her name is Jan and she is the sweetest and has no problem explaining things in terms I can understand. What I've learned is that as long as the rent, the car payment and the car insurance are paid, every thing else is a piece of cake. I am living without cable, internet and cell phone of my own choosing at the moment. I may never go back to any of them. Then again I might. It's all up to me now though, isn't it?

3.) I keep cash on me at all times for emergencies.

4.) I have my very own credit/debit card that I got for myself and by myself and no one can shut it off behind my back or take it out of my wallet and hide it without telling me and so that I find out about it when I am at the store with a cart full of groceries and can't pay for it.

5.) I read whenever I want to and as much as I want to without being asked "sooooo....what have you done all day?".

6.) I don't have digestive problems anymore.
In spite of all the uncertainty and upheaval in my life of late, I haven't needed to take Pepto-Bismol, Kaopectate, or Imodium in months.

7.) My stomach isn't tied up in knots all the time anymore.

8.) I don't feel the need anymore to have to please a bunch of people who can't be pleased.

9.) I write whenever I want to and as long as I want to without being asked "sooooo, what have you done all day?".

10.) When I write it is quiet.

11.) I have my very own car that no one can take away from me or tell me I can't use to go to the store whenever I feel like it. and sometimes I feel like it in the middle of the night.

12.) I go to my 24 hr. Wal-Mart any time I want to, even in the middle of the night if I want to.

13.) When I go to Wal-Mart I don't have to ask if it is okay to get something. I just get it.

14.) I go outside in the middle of the night.
I used to be afraid of being out in the dark until I had to sleep alone in my car in between campers in the Wal-Mart parking lot at times. Funny how that changes a person. Sometimes, even now, in spite of my comfy-fied air bed, I will just grab my pillows and blankie and go over there with my laptop and just play around on the internet until my eyes close, and then just let myself fall asleep in my car. Crazy, huh? Well, you did know I'm mentally ill, didn't you?

15.) I go out in the middle of the night when I can't sleep to catch the internet and there is no one there to tell me I can't.

16.) I eat what I want, when I want, and how much I want and there is no one to tell me I'm eating too much (my mother), too little (when I'm fasting/my husband), or the wrong thing (both). As such I've lost weight (about 10-15 lbs....of course not eating regular meals for 2 weeks helped alot too). I don't think about food pretty much at all unless someone puts it in my face.

17.) My apartment stays clean because I pick up after myself and don't have to pick up after anyone else.

18.) I don't cook very much anymore except a couple of eggs here or there and am healthier for it.

19.) The only dishes I have to wash or laundry I have to do is my own.

20.) The only mess I clean up is my own.

21.) I am very organized and clean but I don't have to have anyone looking down on me if they walk in the kitchen if I happen to have a few dishes in the sink. Then again, the dishes that used to be in the sink at home weren't mine for the most part anyway so why should I have been made to feel bad about that?

22.) I burn candles, sage, etc. whenever I want to, even all night long....when I was married I wasn't allowed to.

23.) I laugh when I want to and no one tells me I'm too loud.

24.) I cry when I want to and no one makes a face and tells me I'm mentally ill for having feelings.

25.) I eat when I want to and no one tells me I'm a glutton.

26.) I don't eat when I don't want to and no one tells me I'm starving myself in the name of God.

27.) I don't have to have sex when I don't feel like it and I am not given the silent treatment or made to feel guilty about it.

28.) I don't have to have the TV on all the frikkin' time.

29.) I can think straight.

30.) I actually LIKE having a job outside my home because I finally get to keep the paycheck and decide how it is spent and it isn't taken away from me and spent on things like electronics that I'm not interested in.

31.) Since I've lived on my own I have found out who my true friends and family are. I have found out that just as there have been people I thought were on my side and weren't, that there are also people who ARE my friends and I didn't know how much.

32.) Since I've lived on my own I can be with people or not be with people at my choosing, not at someone else's.

33.) If I get invited somewhere I don't have to "ask permission" to go and I don't get threatened that I am going to get reported to the Pastor (by my own husband) because I am not supposedly being "accountable" to him.


34.) I can stay on my computer as long as I want without someone commenting about how long I've been on it.

35.)I don't have to worry about what anyone but God thinks of me, or have their judgments up in my face 24/7.

Yes, living on my own, sometimes I feel lonely....but there is something far worse than feeling lonely when you are alone. That is feeling lonely in a room full of family that you think loves you and then you find out ahhhhhh....not so much.

Yes, sometimes I feel sad. But feelings are normal. I'm tired of people telling me I'm bi-polar like they think it's some new kinna revelation to me. I'M the one who told THEM that 15 years ago. My mother was the first one I called. Apparently they weren't listening. I wrote posts on it on my blog 2 years ago and was profusely thanked by a number of bloggers for the information I provided and for being so forthright about my own ups and downs. Now my family is trying to use those posts against me. My case is so minor that the doctor told me NOT to go on medication and SO DID MY HUSBAND. Guess it didn't serve his purpose to medicate me back then. He said he liked my natural energy. Humph. I have learned many ways to manage my highs and lows and in the past 15 years have managed them far BETTER than in the years before that. My family feels otherwise not because I am more emotional, but because I have learned to stand up for my self and not be such a doormat and people pleaser. No one seems to appreciate what God has done in me in that area in the past few years. Well, I guess I would be upset too if I ever had a doormat in MY life that I could step all over and suddenly the door mat started rising up and saying "no more". Since I've never had one of those I guess I don't know how it feels. Maybe that's for the best. It's taught me the gentle art of gratefulness. And in spite of the tenor of this post I AM grateful. Grateful to be out from under 'the stuff' that held me down. Now I know what God meant when He told me that He was "drawing me out of the stuff".

Life continues to be heating up here and I am not just talking about the temperature on the thermometer.

I am meeting new people all the time and will be spending, due to my job, less time on the computer than I have been the past week or so. That is oh-oh-kay. Working is good. I like working.

Just a note to Camilla, who apparently is sooo concerned that I am 'mentally ill' and that the family might 'lose me forever'......keep in mind, dearheart, that I asked you NOT to tell everyone my private business and to let me tell them myself. You told me that you would not. You not only lied to me, but gossiped as well. In less than 24 hours my mother and every single one of my sisters knew the story. At least from YOUR perspective. My atheist sister Christina told me over the telephone that I am no longer welcome in her home and that there is NO WAY that GOD could approve of my actions. Excuseme por favor? Just WHAT God is THAT? The one you have been telling me to shut up about all of these years? The one you told me yourself was a 'crutch'? Keep your opinions to yourself please. Especially since you AND Camilla have BOTH been divorced. Camilla has been married THREE times if my count is correct. I'm sorry I'm having trouble hearing you.....the hypocrisy is causing temporary deafness.

I talked to my brother-in-law the lawyer early on right about this time. I told him how I had asked Camilla not to spread the news, that I would like to do it myself, and that she had done it anyway. He laughed and said, "Oh Connie, you KNOW your family can't keep a secret". Well, no Don, I didn't know that. Apparently I haven't been in that loop all of these years. I am beginning to thank God for small favors I didn't even know He did for me.

Camilla said she is afraid of losing me? Seriously? And just what kind of effort have you made to contact me, hmmmm? It would seem to ME that you are just trying to make YOURSELF look like the wonderful and caring sister you proved that you are not. If you truly think I am mentally ill, wouldn't you want to help me MORE....not LESS? Don't worry, sweetums....I don't need your help. Don't take that as bitterness....take it as a new streak of independence on the part of the "slow" sister.

I'm doing just fine on my own. I have a job, I have a wonderful car, I have my own apartment (and yes, I DO live BY MYSELF, thank you very much), I have a laptop, I can get internet within walking distance of said apartment, I have plenty of food to eat (finally) and a comfy-fied airbed. I even have some pretty plants on the window sills of every room in my little apartment to cheer me up. I wash my clothes out every night and hang them on a little wooden clothes drying stand that I got. I am reading my encyclopedias, the magazines that the lady upstairs throws away, and my Bible. I am writing more than I ever have....not just on my blog, but in about 5 separate documents.

No need to worry about me, precious. God is closer than ever and life goes on. I am training myself to look back less and less and to look forward more and more. When I look back I feel sad....when I look forward I feel happy. Forward is easier. Pay it forward. I heard it said recently that that is why the rear view mirror of a car is so small but the windshield is so big. Yep....that's what I'm talking about. My family would do well to forget about me unless they truly want to help me, or at least discuss things with me without preconceived judgements and gossip. If the latter is true you can write to me at defendersofthefaith2@excite.com. If it's not then you would be wise to shut your mouths because what you are doing is called gossip. God doesn't like it anymore than whatever it is you think I did that He doesn't like.

As for me, I am fine. I am still alive in the world. See my new icon? That wss just taken last week. Do I look dead yet? I am not mentally ill. Do I look deranged? I am growing up. There IS a difference.

I know it's a little late.....then again I was always a little slow, wasn't I?

PS. It's on days like this that I need a little Aretha.

Hit it!:

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Not to worry....I haven't left my sixties-ified mood yet. Just changing venues a little.

Big rainstorm this morning....thunderboomers even. I thought it was going to cool everything down but noooooooo.......more humid than EVER here in the heart of the Mid-West. It did wash my car a little bit though so that was good. I got out and washed the big living room windows of my basement apartment after it was over. They were dirty when I moved in and that was bugging me. I put four wicker flower boxes of asparagus fern along the window sill there and it looks soooo nice but the dirty windows were detracting from it....at least for moi.

I have written quite a bit more to The Windemere Chronicles but am only copying and pasting a little bit up at a time to keep the volume down to readable amounts. I thought of another name for it, Peggy. Hows about "The Webrock Newspaper"...huh? huh? huh?

Interestingly, since my husband and I grew up on the same street he might actually have more interest in my remembrances on that blog than whatever I wrote from 2006-08 on this one. He was friends with Peggy's brother Eddie for many years.

Something I didn't mention about that whole thing....I have actually thought about writing about my childhood (of which this particular family is a HUGE part) for many, many years. Part of why I didn't is because I was so busy chasing after kids for so long, and then later, after they got older, I wasn't so much running around, but it was just too darn chaotic at the house all the time. Not to say I minded that alot. Chaos is my middle name, donchaknow......just that to write I need quiet. Lots and lots of quiet. Maybe there is a purpose to this time in my life after all. I am writing a children's book at the moment too. Who knows if it will ever be published but I've always been the prisonerofhope, right?

Speaking of purpose.....I've wondered a LOT why things had to go the way they did. Why my family had to reject me for not wanting to be married anymore. Why I had to leave NY. I mean I have answers to why I left and all.....I just wonder why it had to go this way? What is God's purpose in my life for it? Without going into detail I have somewhat comes to terms with alot of that. I am still hoping that there will be reconciliation some day but that goes both ways, doesn't it? When I can't even get my oldest child to take one of my phone calls, it doesn't appear that anyone WANTS reconciliation. Or if they do, it is up to me to get on my knees and beg for it.

Oh, believe me, I've done that before. The getting on my knees part, I mean. Tom might not admit it now but it's true. Never again though. I hate to sound arrogant....but would my three oldest children even BE here in the WORLD if it weren't for me? I'M the one that wanted kids to start with and pressed the issue....not to mention the whole nine month thing you gotsta go through first. I mean, it is MY body after all that they came through. I never expected any special kudos for that. Just a little respect. Sheeeuuuu, where's Aretha when I need her, huh?

Anyway, I was promised that I could have SIX before we got married, then told after the second was born that that was enough. I pleaded for a third and he finally said okay, but that is ALL. My husband, my mother and the doctor all got together and decided that three C-sections is plenty. Well, humph, it was okay for Ethel Kennedy to have 11, wasn't it? Guess it helps to be a Kennedy...and to be Catholic. So much for poor little Protestant me, huh?

So...reconciliation. Maybe someday. I'll wait on the Lord. He is the One I bow to...not a bunch of unforgiving, ungrateful children who think that life is all about them and have nothing better to do than complain that the bag lunch they took to school didn't have brand name snacks in it like everyone elses. I'm still hearing about that from children in their 30's. It's time to grow up, baby. Now I know why God let Israel wander in the desert for 40 years.