POH....
I want to respond about the young girl you are
talking to.
You said she questions you about the abortion
and that she doesn't want any of the religious parts of it. Just so
many questions. But, the true questions should be, How will you live with it??
How will this affect your life?? What will you feel when you finally are mature
enough, and you see pictures of these babies that were not supposed to be
babies?
Well, you sure do live with it for the rest of
your life. Every conversation that talks about it just makes you want to
crawl inside of yourself, because you think they know what you did. They
talk about a woman's rights, well, after you do this any rights that you thought
you had don't seem so important any more, Hell, you feel you don't have any
rights to speak out about anything. The shame, the hurt, the feeling you
don't deserve anything good in your life is all the rights you feel you have.
You truly despise yourself!!
Every year that passes, you think of 2 days, the
day that should have been that precious baby's birthday, and the day you took it
away.
Everytime, someone ask you, "How many children
do you have?", you want to crawl inside of yourself again, and you swallow so
hard that you almost choke, because of the lie you have to tell. It is
like taking that baby's life away all over again, because you have to deny that
baby ever existed.
There's always that feeling of deception, with
the children you do have. You are always afraid they will find out, and
what will they think of you? Will they hate me for taking away
their big sister or brother?????? So, you lie again and again!
As the years go by, you learn to cope, you even
know that the sorrow you feel is truly accepted by the Lord, and you know
he has forgiven you, but, yet, you just can't seem to fully forgive
yourself. It is always there, what you did, the taking away of that
precious gift. Laying on that table, so afraid, not knowing
what the hell is going on, to afraid to look at anything in the room, There are
people there, they are talking but you can't seem to understand a word that is
said, all you hear is this machine turn on, you feel this awful pain,
and you want it to just hurry up and go away, little do you know that it will be
with you for the rest of your life.
If I could, I would let you come inside my heart
and see the tears of the baby I never let be born, the never ending pain of that
baby and me.
You, still have the question, Is this a real
baby or just tissue? If the pictures that POH has shown you have not
proven it, well, I will tell you, at a little over a month being pregnant
with my 2nd living child I had an ultra sound done, and, no my baby didn't
really look like a baby, he actually looked like a little tadpole, but, right
there clear as day, in the center of his chest, there I saw a little beating
Heart!!!!!! A heart beating means you are alive, I have never heard of
tissue having a beating heart. If a beating heart doesn't prove to
you that there is a life, then, you need to check and see if you actually
have one.
POH.
I know it may not be much, but, I hope
it helps get some kind of truth out, at least from the mother's side. I
would, however, appreciate that you don't reveal that it was I who wrote
this. The shame is still there. You just don't know how
many times I just wanted to tell you, but was too ashamed. I know how
strong your feelings are about abortion and I didn't want you to feel I was
an evil person.
I had just turn 19 when it all happen, and
at 42 I still feel the pain of it. My baby would be going on 23 years
old, my precious baby.
I went through a grief class and one of the healing process was to name my
baby. I owed my baby that and so much more.
I know you said that some people give you flack
over being out there in their face with the truth, but, maybe, just maybe, if I at the age
of 19, I would have seen your page, or a page like yours, I would have my baby here with me now. So, if you can save at least one baby, then
you keep stepping on their toes.
Gotta love Monsterbox, right Jess? 
