Tom,

Since you are not responding to me about the check I will be taking other recourse. I WILL get the money, with or without your signature, you can be sure of that.

Just so you know, you are not doing yourself any favors with people we know from the old neighborhood. If Peggy could find my blog and send me her contact information, how long do you think it is going to take before Eddie and everyone else from Windemere Road hears how you are treating me?

You can tell people 'your side' of the story, which is full of lies and innuendo, but even if you were telling the truth, which you are not, does that justify murder by depraved indifference to human life? What part of you should stop listening to that fool lawyer of yours are you not getting? You claim that he is the one who told you to keep the camper from me.....did you bother to tell him that I offered to let you have EVERYTHING if you would just give me the camper and $1000. a month? And people think I am the one who needs mental help? What is WRONG with you?

I already know that the Lima house can be sold without me there because I already signed the closing papers....I also know what you did on the Angus Pt. house. If you think the 14 house will get sold without my say so and my signature you have a serious other thing coming. I am alive and in the world and this blog proves it. My new icon proves that I always come up smiling too, doesn't it? Alabama says, "You can't keep a good man down".....I think they need to change the gender on that song.

Well, keep up the good work, sweetie. The people at Molye's, George Larry and the bank in Honeoye Falls already know what an ass you are....now your reputation is extending to the Browncroft Section. Have at it.

Connie

I hope you all haven't forgotten about me.....

Sorry I haven't been on very much. Things are busy where I am, and I am making a new life. I am making friends and am eating on a regular basis again.

Speaking of friends....I just got an e-mail from Peggy, my very BEST friend from the time we were in the same Kindergarten class through early High School. Oh my gosh, I thought I was going to cry. I'm not sure exactly how she tracked me to this blog but I'm sure there is a story there somewhere. Since my husband's family, their family and my family all lived on the same street back in the fifties and sixties, I'm certain that my blog has been quite the personal soap opera for her to read. The last time I saw Peggy was a few years ago at a neighborhood reunion. She and one of her sisters were truly my little soul-mates for many years and her family always treated me like one of their own. Peggy, if you are reading this now, thank you SO much for writing to me and I WILL write back, I promise. God is so good to me. I'm so glad to have had a friend like her. I'm so glad I still do.
There is no better time in my life to realize what good friends I have. I always knew she was the best.

As a follow up to my last post....I have not heard a word concerning the check. It's hard to believe that you would turn down over $600. Tom, but well, I guess that's the price you pay for refusing to deal with me, huh? If you are still interested I still have it. I'm not sending it back to you so you can keep the whole thing and give me nothing though. It would appear that you are being foolish with money, something I never expected from you, but then again, you are doing a lot of other things lately that I never expected either so I shouldn't be surprised.

For those of you who are interested, God is soooo good to me. I can't go into too much detail right now but everything is getting brighter by the day. I am stronger in every way than I have ever been.

I talked to my mother the other day...it wasn't such a great conversation. She is still waiting for me to get psychiatric treatment, but when I asked her if SHE planned on paying for it she mumbled and stumbled and told me that she was SURE that the county I live in would take care of that....as if applying for Food Stamps (which I am no longer eligible for...that's GOOD news!) wasn't humbling enough. Why should I go for anything like that when I don't think anything is wrong with me anyway? To prove a point? Nah, I don't have time. I'm too busy working and starting over. When I told her that I was "working my butt off" she told me that "hard work never hurt anyone". Oh yeah Mom, like YOU ever had to stand on your feet 8-9 hours a day.....you didn't do it at 25, let alone 55. I'm sorry if I'm sounding a little snippy today. To my elderly mother of all people..... This is the kind of thing that I've put up with all of my life though and I'm fed up now. Not mentally ill...just fed up. If being fed up isn't okay then I guess you're just going to have to get your daily devotions somewhere else from now on. My fed-uppedness is causing people to think that I have mental problems....or at least menopausal ones. Nah...like Neil Sedaka used to say, "Growing up is hard to do"..........oh....wait....that's "breaking up is hard to do". Well, both.

Thank you so much to those of you keeping in touch with me by e-mail. You have no idea how much it means to me to have friends like you.

Love you all,
POH

Tom,

Just wanted to let you know that a federal check....uhhhh, something called a "stimulus check".....was somehow rerouted to ME. Humph. How could that BE? Maybe because it has MY name on it TOO?

Too bad I can't cash it without your signature (don't think I didn't try) however, you can't cash it without mine either.

Since I have lost all faith in your ability to be honest and forthright with me, and since you have cut me off from all finances leaving me to starve on the lake (no, I won't ever forget that small detail) leaving me with no options of my own but to leave my home state in order to survive,

IF you want your share of this check this is how it's going to work. It's a take it or leave it option. Either do it this way and get half, or do it your own way and get nothing.

The check came to $1,209.00. You may contact me at defendersofthefaith2@excite.com if you would like your $604.50. When I hear from you I will e-mail you a phone number to call me at and then you may wire me my half (and yes, I DO demand that I get HALF since I originally offered you EVERYTHING we own until you stole the camper from me and possibly everything else including my very own IRA).

Once I receive the money from Western Union I will sign the check (again, which can't be cashed without both of our signatures) and send it to you at the PO Box you were stealing my mail from.

It is 3:10pm EST. If I don't hear from you within 24 hours you are seriously chancing losing any money from this check because it is no never mind to me if I don't get my half at this point. You have trained me very well to live on nothing and I have been doing that for quite a while now.

Soooo, anyway, about the check......let me know, 'kay?

Things I think about in the night when I'm alone:

Is Liza pregnant again?

I wish I could sing to Christina right now. She always looked up at me like as if in a trance when I did.

What's happening with the overseas adoption by Virginia and Adam?

I wish I could sing "It is well with my soul" to Ryan.

I wonder how Ashlyn's swimming is coming. I would love to swim with her.

Congratulations Tom, Jr. and Jenny on your respective graduations. I am very proud of both of you.

I'm still sorry I'm not there to help with the graduation party, Jenny, even though you're so glad I'm gone.

Happy 21st Birthday, Mike and Brandy. You guys are really growing up. Please stay safe since I'm not there to get on your case. *wink* I will always love both of you very much. As much as the home schooling tested both of our limits, Mike, I'll never be sorry that I gave myself to you that way. Keep reading, okay? The more you do it, the better you get.

I want you both to know, too, that I remembered June 10, 1997 this past month. I'll always be glad that of all the kids we could have kept, that we kept you.

Brandy, I don't know what's going on with you and Dave (and you KNOW how much I love Dave) but please, please, please be careful and don't do anything hasty. Please..............

I love you, Barbie. I always have. I know things got messed when you left but it was my fear speaking. I think of and pray for you often...please take care of yourself.

I really hope you stay in school, Jenny. Please don't give up. Please get the teaching degree that I didn't. Whether you think you do or not, you have it in you to do it.

Sabrina, you have done so well, especially since you switched schools. Keep on keeping on.

Another thing that comes to me when I am alone is that I'm sorry everyone I've loved so much is so disappointed in me. I am so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt anyone...not anyone in my whole life. Honestly, I never did. I never wanted to leave NY or the lake. I had to do that to survive. Being left the way I was, with no car and no contact with anyone to help me (for people who were rude enough to suggest that Denis should have "gotten a job to help out"...Denis does not have a license or drive due to epilepsy he has had since childhood. My family knew that. They knew what they were doing. People need to stop judging situations that they have no knowledge of.)

My husband is claiming that I "abandoned" him, but that is not true. I love him...I still love him...all I ever said was that I didn't want to be married anymore. I don't ever want to married again to anyone...but that doesn't mean I didn't care then or don't care now. I'm sorry. If I say it every day for the rest of my life will anyone forgive me? Will it change anything? Probably not.

Another thing I think of is...will I ever see my grandchildren again? Will anyone ever let me know if I have any more? Will anyone ever speak to me ever again? My own Mom? My sisters who admitted to me that they knew very little about my life and my marriage since we all live in different states but still think I left such a "kind" man and don't want anything to do with me now.

Anyway, I am busy making a new life for myself, as I must now, but that is not how I envisioned things happening when all of this happened. I guess I knew that there would be some hurt, but that people would forgive me and still want me in their lives just as I still want to be in theirs.

If you guys 'hate' me now, be assured that I do NOT hate you. I never did, I never will, I never could. I don't hate ANYONE, let alone you guys. I LOVE you. If I didn't show it enough, I'm sorry. Maybe I was just so busy trying to teach you all to be safe in the world and I got testy at times when you did things that weren't. Some people would call that 'tough love'...I guess you guys saw it as being a bee-yotch.

As for me, I could probably meet Charles Manson and find something to pity about him which would make me feel a level of love for him. I've always known that I'm that way. Caleb says I 'created' reasons to love you all, but that is not fully true. I just love. It's what I know how to do. If you think that what I did showed lack of love toward all of you then you don't know me as well as I thought you did. All I wanted was to extricate myself from my marriage. Not from your lives. Not even Dad's.

For blogstreamers who wonder why I use this medium to communicate with my family...they should know that it is the only way I am sure that they will see it. They are checking my blog at phenomenal rates. My hit counter confirms it. E-mails and phone calls are not returned. I hope my fellow bloggers will understand.

I love you all.....I really do.....

Mom/POH/Nana/Connie

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Church was great last night....especially the nice dinner afterwards. The baked beans that I put on tortilla chips were to die for.....actually I DID feel like I was going to die of indigestion sometime in the middle of the night, but they were really good going down, you know what I'm sayin'?

Today was pretty low-key...mostly a stay at homer. I met the youngish mom who lives in the large Victorian behind where I live. Her house is huge and backyard small but everything is so pretty. She's nice and going to put me in contact with some people she knows. Networking............works for me!

Friday was bill-paying day.....felt good to take care of some important 'infrastructure' (as Caleb would say) things. The green stuff is still something of a struggle to get enough of but that's okay. God is providing and I am doing well. One advantage is that through the fasting I've done I can go looooong periods of time without real food. A couple little blue algae pills and some liquid and I'm good to go, you know? I just have to be careful at those church suppers.....that potluck thing has taken on new significance lately...know what I'm sayin'?

Much to do tomorrow. I'm liking being busy. Seriously. My whole adult life has been one of becoming busier and busier and not turning away something just because I'm "too busy". Believe me, just taking care of myownself now doesn't seem so hard after all of that.

music: Thanks for getting in touch with me. Check your e-mail, 'kay? Love you.