"Leave him alone for a while", the Bishop said to Monica, "only pray God for him; he will of himself, by reading, discover what that error is, and how great it's impiety. Go thy way, and God bless thee, for it is not possible that the son of these tears should perish"
The Bishop to Monica

"God drew my soul out of the profound darkness because of my mother who wept on my behalf more than most mothers weep when their children die. Thou heardest her, O Lord. Thou heardest her, and despisedest not her tears, when pouring down, they watered the earth under her eyes in every place where she prayed; yea, Thou heardest her."
Augustine refering to his mother Monica

"God is not so much concerned with the greatness of one's work as the love with which it is done" Teresa of Avila

Some may think that I have "left" my family. That is sooo not true. The fact of the matter is that I am still in the area, less than walking distance away, available for anything they need. If they choose to avail themselves of me I am here, as I always have been. If they don't, that is their doing, not mine.

Among all the accusations that have been hurled my way lately, the one thing that no one can accuse me of, is not loving my family. My former husband....my children....they got all of me all these years. While I had little part time jobs at different times during my marriage, I really had no interest in a career at all. The fact that I wanted to do Foster Care, which pays very little (I figured it out once that it came to about 33 cents an hour) should say something about where my priorities have always been. They still continue to be there. I love children, my own and others, and I always will.

I have cried many tears for my children. For their well-being, their safety, their salvation. While I would like it if certain of them cared enough to talk to me right now, rather than judging me and gossiping behind my back about me, I will just continue to do for them what I have always done. Pray that our Father....our REAL Father....would keep them in His all-loving hand and bring them to Heaven when their time here is done. It would be nice if they would at least talk to me ONCE, just to hear what I have to say about my own life, but I realized a LONG time ago that children don't love their parents with the same unconditional love that parents love their children with. It's like a universal law or something. Now that two of my children have their own children, maybe they can understand that principle. Sooo, it's okay. It is oh-oh-kay.

Just so that everyone is clear about one thing. My recent choice did not "break up" the family. The family was already broken. I'm not talking about my marriage....I'm talking about my kids. Nothing I did then seemed to make too much difference. Staying in my marriage...living in that house....is not going to change anything. In fact, whether anyone chooses to believe it or not, things are actually better now....not worse. People need to start judging things by the fruit, not by their pre-conceived notions and outward appearance.

The choices I have made do not negate my salvation. Whether anyone chooses to agree with what I've done is of little to no concern to me. I'm sorry if that offends some. I've always been that way though. I WANT people to be pleased with me, but sometimes, especially in the past 15 years I've had to make hard choices and God has carried me through each and every one.

I hope that if you are TRULY concerned about me that you will do what my beautiful sister-in-law did when I talked to her on the phone about this one day. She was so very hurt about the news and felt some regret that she and her Pastor husband didn't do more for us. She listened to me, and her love shone through. She still doesn't agree with what I've done, but I can feel her love for me even now as I write this. That's all I'm really asking....that if anyone truly professes to love me and care about me, then they will come to ME to discuss my life...and not go around discussing it with every one else and their brother. I can even handle the mis-placed outrage....if they come to me. If they don't, then I have to assume that they never loved me to start with. Funny how things like this really show you who your true friends are....who your true family is.