The following is a sad but true account of what is happening to me as a result of my supposedly "saved" husband.

Though what he is doing is vindictive, mean-spirited, and cruel, I continue to pray for him (I just did this very morning), care about him, and love him in my own way through the strength of the Lord.

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Tom? If you're reading this, please know that I forgive you; and despite the lies and deceit of what you're doing, I STILL want you to be in Heaven with the kids and me...

As of this moment you have completely cut me off from everyone in my family and in my life....and this, based on lies, innuendo, and deceit. Not only that, but as of several weeks ago you cut my credit card off (which I was always frugal with), and I am reduced to a debit account in which I am limited to less than poverty level finances for food, gas and any other expenses. Since you won't even let me use our vehicle anymore, and I am trapped, living over ten miles from any town, I guess I don't have to worry about gas money anymore though, do I?

Why do people always have believe the worst in someone? I could understand you not liking me having "guy" friends, something I NEVER had in my WHOLE life up till I came on the blogstream, if you had AT LEAST liked my GIRLfriends. You never liked them either! You never liked ANYbody I was friends with. Why?

Why, after all of these years of being faithful, loving and taking care of all of you, begging you at 10:45am on Sunday morning to PLEASE get out of bed and PLEASE, at LEAST, DRIVE us to church, even if you didn't want to stay there yourself, can you do this?

NOW you are going to church on your own? NOW? After the kids are GROWN? NOW, when you KNOW how much the model of the established church is screwed up? NOW? NOW, you are so all fired determined to go to church? Why? Why didn't you want to go with ME? Why didn't you want to have family devotional time THEN, when you were supposedly "saved"? WHY?

Why am I suddenly the bad guy just because I don't want to continue being forced to have sex with you against my will? The times you forced yourself on me...the times you coerced me by withholding what little love I got if I didn't give into you? I've told you before how I felt like a "high priced whore" and you never even batted an eye. You ignored me for YEARS, but still expected that your dinner would be served to you in the bedroom so that you didn't have to eat with the kids and me, and then expected me, after I'd already gone to sleep for the night because you were too interested in CNN and the ABC Movie of the Week, to wake up and give you what you wanted.

Yes, I am the one who "left", so to speak. It is NOT because I wanted to be with another man though. I told you, Tom, for YEARS, that if anything, God forbid, should happen to you that I would NEVER remarry and you know EXACTLY why. Even your own employee, the older woman who worked for you the past few years, told you that she would never remarry either and her reasons were identical to mine and I told you that.

Just because Denis is staying here does not mean that we are "doing" anything, just as when Liza lived with Brian aka "Goober" in the same apartment in Binghamton it didn't mean anything else was going on.

Why? Why, after Denis came and SERVED you, night and day, cooked for us, cleaned for us while I was so sick in February and March (I didn't see anyone else doing any of that), WHY would you call him the devil? WHY? Why don't you ask his wife what she thinks of that statement?

How about everybody who has called him an abuser (Whisper and Taylor) and have never met him....how about YOU ask his WIFE if he is an abuser? Why would you come on my blog Taylor and INSIST that a man you've NEVER met is an abusive man? Do you actually think the God you say you serve and believe in is pleased with that? Really?

Just so everyone knows, here and now, Denis' wife from South Dakota, is coming all the way to New York to live with us.

Oh, wait, did that knock someone's judgmental little socks off? I have been constrained from saying that thus far because Denis didn't want me to, but that is the TRUTH, and now he is giving me permission to come out with it.

They have been in almost daily contact the past few days and she is coming HERE to the lake to start over. I know....I KNOW....I'm SUCH a bad person, right? I'M the woman with the Scarlet A emblazoned across my chest. Apparently SHE doesn't think so, does she? Apparently SHE doesn't think the man she's lived with the past 13 years is such an "abuser". If she did, wouldn't she be GLAD to be rid of him? WOULDN'T SHE?

GOD HELP ALL OF YOU!

Why don't you people just shut your ignorant, judgmental, evil mouths. Stop your tongues before you heap MORE judgment from God on yourselves.

Tom, you have told our children about things of our sex life that NO parent should tell ANY child. What is WRONG with you? What I did, I did for YOU! The whole "lingerie" thing that everyone has taken so much perverse delight in......that was for YOU! The other stuff, that was for YOU! YOU wanted it! YOU PAID FOR IT! ON YOUR CREDIT CARD!

Would you like me to tell EVERYONE, including the children, about the "fantasy nights" you begged me for?

Do you not remember the beautiful dinner that Denis made for you and me that night? He even got all of the children involved serving and helping. Oh, you were SO happy that you could have a nice steak meal with me in a romantic setting....Denis even made sure that the kids were off and away after they helped serve the meal. He gave you a whole LIST of things NOT to discuss at dinner. Things like the news, the houses, etc. Apparently he left off computers. He saw how you ignored me, unless of course you wanted me to help with the drywall, or some other chores around the house.....

HE WAS TRYING TO HELP US! He felt BAD for me that I wasn't being LOVED!

And now you have the NERVE to call him THE DEVIL?????

What is WRONG with you?

The least, Tom, the very least you could have done, is let me go gracefully.

Originally, I offered you EVERYTHING!

E-VER-Y-THING.

I told you that if you bought me a camper, I would leave you with $1,000,000 in real estate and you could just give me $1000. a month for expenses, not even even the $100,000 "tithe" that you probably think you should give to the church. Oh wait, I was the one who BEGGED you to tithe for the first 30 years we were married when I was under the delusion that we were "supposed to". Are you tithing NOW that I'm GONE? $1,000 a month is only .5%. You were going to get off SO easily for all the years I slaved for you.

You were THRILLED with that, weren't you? Oh my gosh, I could almost HEAR the wheels spinning in your head. Money.....it's always been about the money....and I knew that. I gave you EVERYTHING.

The problem is that you talked to a lawyer, didn't you? Yeah, you always did listen to other people more than me. You've always trusted THEIR words to you more than mine. Especially when they agree with you and I don't. I've always known that. I've complained about that for YEARS. That's because I was that "lost little girl" you thought you were marrying. The one "who wouldn't be able to take care of herself in the world" without you, right? Or are you going to lie again and say that you did not tell me that in the van on the way back from the airport a few weeks ago?

The minute I went on the road though, the very DAY I left, you shut the credit card off. You lied and told me that the credit card company shut it off....but how can that be true? I don't know that much about our finances, Tom, but I know one thing.....there is a REASON that the mortgage broker told the bank to give you a loan on a third property. Because our credit is "golden" he said. GOLDEN. "Connie is frugal and Tom pays the bill at the end of every month", isn't that how we've lived our entire married life?

ISN'T IT???????????????????????

You left me ON THE ROAD at the mercy of whatever YOU would put in the debit account. So that if I needed something I would have to call YOU and BEG for it.....just like the past 36 years. Now I am not only living from the debit card, but you won't even take my phone calls so I can tell you I need something.....and I have no vehicle to get anywhere.

You have left me defenseless. Yet, I am not. God, Himself, is my defense. He will come and save me. You can be SURE of that. I haven't trusted in Him all these years for nothing. My faith is STRONG.....it was the one thing I clung to all these years, and it is the one thing you can never, not EVER, take away from me. When you tried in the past....when you try now....it only gets stronger. There is a reason why I named myself the "prisonerofhope"....maybe people who never liked the name are getting a clue. The persecution...the lies and the back biting only make me stronger. Keep it up, Mr. Hope.....it only makes me stronger.

I'm tired now. I seriously am. I've been ready to give up and live in a cave more times than I care to think about. I'm not going to though. I am going to stand and be "that righteous one" that the Lord told me to be in that prophecy I got 12 years ago. If I lose everything in the process, even my very own flesh and blood children, because of your lies and deceit, then at least I know that I have my God. If I starve to death NOW, Tom, that will be on YOU, not because I went on a fast purposely. Tommy thinks my death would be preferable to divorce? What? Like I have heard said, "You are going to threaten me with HEAVEN?" That statement alone is the epitomy of selfishness. He would rather I DIE, than have to tell anyone that his so-called Christian family had a problem. It's time, and high time, to get real.

You have cut me off with no money, no vehicle, no nothing.....in the middle of nowhere. I am over ten miles from the nearest town. I have always been such a walker, haven't I? All those years of not having a driver's license taught me how to do that. Ten miles each way though is a little beyond even me.

I love the lake and you know that more than anyone. The only reason you bought a place to start with out here though is because you FINALLY realized it could be a "good investment", not because you loved me enough to let me live where I loved. Now that you are set to make $500,000 in sheer profit in 2008 though, you go around patting yourself on the back as if it was your idea. Whatever.

Oh wait....I just realized that if you have to SPLIT it with me (even though I am the one who wanted the lake, not you) then you are not so good to go with it anymore, are you?

One way or the other my life will go on. With or without a pack of ungrateful children at my side. My friend "Heaven Sent", who knows our family personally, cannot believe that, the adopted children especially, would treat me so shabbily. Whatever to that too. I've seen enough of their ungratefulness over the years not to be surprised by it anymore. There is a "spirit of entitlement" over this whole generation and that includes biological, foster and adopted children of every social strata. In fact, the Bible says that ungratefulness to parents on the scale that we are currently seeing in the world, and especially in this country is a sign of the endtimes. I don't have to look further than my OWN children to see that this is true.

BTW, did the police meet up with you today after we heard your voices by the garage and knew you were sneaking around trying to figure out how to get in?

Oh, I wanted to thank you Craig for monitoring our blog. It made us feel good to see that at least one person cared enough to check on us every day....even if it is just to make a hard copy for your poor father-in-law (the one you kept calling a "cheapskate" to his brother at the family picnic) to take to court. Just to you know, that was just one more reason why I decided to post this information, even though I so don't like to air dirty laundry in public, let alone the internet.

How about you print THIS out and submit it to the court? Never mind, you don't have to. I have access to my own blog, right? I have everything printed out too and I will submit it myself. I have nothing to hide or be ashamed about.....and no one with their lies and innuendo is going to make me feel shame of any kind.

I have always lived my life openly, Craig. I have never hidden a single thing. YOU are the one who told me that I am not allowed to speak to my oldest child, and as such have not spoken directly to her since all of this began......this is biblical? And you call yourself a man of God?

How can this be when you are not following the biblical injunction (you might want to look that one up....this is how it is spelled I-N-J-U-N-C-T-I-O-N) of going directly to the person you have a problem with (not slandering them behind their back), Matt. 5:23.

Since you will not allow me to speak to Liza directly so that she can tell me herself that she doesn't want to ask me about this herself then I have to assume that YOU are the controlling and abusive man....not the one who came to our house three months ago and served our family dinner every night, and waxed the floors, and chopped the wood, and kept the fire going, and.........well, there are too many other things he did to tell it all here.

You never did all that for me, Craig. But all you could see about him was that he had tattoos, listened to Queen, and freely admitted that he had been in prison. I will cut you some slack, not much mind you, just a little, because you only met him that one day when he was in the kitchen doing the dishes....I cannot offer that same slack to the family who lived here though. They enjoyed his delicious cooking and sat and watched TV while he cleaned. The only time ANY of the kids got off their lazy butts and helped was when he made them and even then it was under duress. Oh, don't get me wrong, they LOVED his fantastically funny humor....even then he was their little servant though, wasn't he? Sitting there watching HIM work and getting entertained in the process. No more. NO MORE.

I've been judged, Craig, and judged harshly, by some blogstreamers because I am a Christian.....they assume I MUST be some judgmental "bee-yotch" because that's all they've ever known Christians to be. It would appear, wouldn't it, that I am not what they thought. But a number of people in my family are......and I repent before God for anything I have done to foster that or cover it up. I am putting the shame I feel, not for the choices I am currently making, but for the way I spoiled my children, right out in the open here and now.

Take THAT to court you brood of vipers!

PS. I wouldn't push it if I were any of you guys.....I have more.