Last night was a great night. i was able to do something for a friend here and doing it for them feels like I am doing it for me too.

My friend saw an ad in the paper for free kittens. I could tell by the expression on their face that even though they were pretending not to care too much whether they got a kitten.....they really wanted one. We ended up getting two. Two little baby boy kitties. They aren't going to live with me but I am going to help take care of them and pay for the spaying, shots and even the food once in while. After we got back with the matching twin kitties, they are 6 weeks old, we laughed alot at their funny antics and we cried alot at some old memories of past kitties. All in all, in spite of some emotions (which are GOOD, btw, God Hisownself gave them to us and expects us to use them), the evening was wonderful and productive and the kitties are precious. They are almost completely orange, a little striped....very similar to Marmalade, a cat we saved from extinction once a long time ago. She had four kittens but the two I remember most were Carmie and Marmie. They weren't as twinified as these two but they were very cute and cuddly. I always said that of all the animals we had I should have kept those two. The kitties we took tonight both look like Marmie but there was another one we didn't take that looked a little bit like Carmie and Sugarbaby, another cat that belonged to one of my daughters years ago. Sugarbaby was a beautiful cat but kind of messed up in the head. Some cats get like that sometimes. Anyway, my friend felt that we should take the two that look alike because they didn't want to see them get split up and was afraid they would be. I think they were right.

Tomorrow will be a long day for me. Work, work, work.............don't get me wrong. I actually like it. The only time I didn't like working outside my house was when I had to come home after a long day, and still make dinner and do everything at home too.

There was a time when my three older kids were in Middle and High School and Barbie was 9 months old (she is 19 now) and in her first foster placement with us. I also had two other foster babies at the same time named Billy and Candy. They were brother and sister and were 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 respectively. On top of that, I worked 20-30 hours during the week at the grocery store. Between the store, three teenagers, three babies in diapers, and the housework, I WAS WHIPPED! Well, Billy and Candy had a younger brother Timmy who was 6 mos. old. He had been placed in an emergency home when they first came into care because his health was so precarious. The county felt that one foster parent shouldn't be asked to handle all of that. However, after he got better, the county called and wanted to place Timmy with us. I was torn. I was soooo tired at that point, but I loved all of the babies and didn't want to give up Billy and Candy. I knew that there was no way I would be able to handle all I was doing AND take a fourth baby in diapers. I turned them down. That meant that I lost Billy and Candy too. I have looked back for YEARS and thought that I wished I had kept them. They are in their early twenties now.

Since all this with my family has happened I'm kind of glad now that we didn't adopt any more than we did. I always felt that we did the best we could with the kids and when I look at them in the light of the generation of kids out there I think we DID do a good job with them. I mean, they are either working or in school, mostly responsible, at least as much as most kids their age, and after some bumps in the road have turned out fairly well. It's hurt me that they have all turned on me this way and don't try to get in touch with me, especially Jenny, Brandy and Mike to whom Denis and I reached out a LOT, but that is on them now. Getting the kitties tonight reminded me of how I had planned to get a couple for the basement at Angus and the 14 house and how I told Brandy that if she didn't go back to school in the fall that she could get a dog. I wonder if she has.

Writing The Windemere Chronicles is probably not terribly interesting to anyone who wasn't there at the time, but I have heard from both Peggy and Janie that they are enjoying my memories of them and their family and that's all that's really important to me as I write it. As for me, it's been very cathartic. The past five months have not only been stressful but painful and remembering those early years reminds me that my life has not always been as it's seems now. It also reminds me of what wonderful friends God has blessed me with. I remember once my mother telling me that I have been very lucky in my choice of friends. I don't consider it 'luck', but okay, yeah, I agree with the sentiment.

I'm not exactly in what you would call a 'routine' just yet, but it's coming. I am working close to 40 hours a week, have my little apartment which just keeps getting more and more plant and candle-ified, and I don't feel quite the pressure that I did to be so careful not to eat in case I run out before the month is up. The first few nights in my apartment were scary and I dragged my airbed into the giant walk in closet and slept in there. It's funny because I've always thought of myself as being at least moderately claustrophobic, but I not only didn't mind sleeping in the closet, it actually gave me comfort to know I was closed in like that. Now I sleep out in the living room (not in the bedroom) because I have all of my plants, candles, encyclopedias, etc. out here. It's very cozy and I like it alot. I am getting used to being by myself and actually kind of like it at times. That surprises me too because I didn't think I would ever like living alone. Well, knowing that Peggy and Janie are out there, and you guys too........I don't feel so alone anyway.

I think I am going to get myself an internet card, similar to the one I had (before it was suddenly turned off on me with out being told) so that I won't always have to go and hi-jack wireless zones at KFC, the local taco place, etc. It's not so bad now, but come wintertime I don't think I'm going to want to sit in my car for 2 hours in the cold. Brrrrrrr!

Not so much more to tell right now. Please, please, pleeeeeese pray for me. I spent many years not knowing if anyone ever prayed for me. Now that I know some of you do, I can feel the strength that comes from them. Please don't stop. I know that God is with me wherever I go. I know that He has not forsaken me and never will. I know my Redeemer lives, and I will stand with Him on that day. God is sooooo good, isn't He?

PS. I JUST discovered that I can get a wireless zone in the parking lot RIGHT OUTSIDE of where I work! YAY FOR ME! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoooooo! Where is James when I need him? Yeeeeow! I feel GOOD! Do-do-do-do-do-do-doooooo!