It's time for me to take a new direction in my life. I have waited and waited for someone to contact me and they are refusing to do so. Alrighty then. I am going to let go and let God. I need to preserve my self-esteem, my faith in God, and my life. Thinking about the past, without any resolution, is not helping me do that. I don't know the 'why' to some things but that is going to have to be okay. I am going to keep on keeping on and trust God in the midst of it.

If anyone wants to contact me I can be found at this blog, my e-mail, and my phone. Other than that I am moving on and will not be discussing anything about the past again in this space. It is not doing me any good to rehash things that have happened without the advantage of discussion. Be assured that I love you all and that won't change. It's not in me to 'unlove' anyone that I have loved.

I truly have become 'a common housewife in the fast lane'. I have traveled to states I never dreamed I'd ever see in my entire life. Alot of it has been alone with no one but Bob Segar by my side. I have learned to take care of myself in a way that I have never had to do before and always wondered if I would be able to do. I have run out of gas in the middle of an interstate and prayed my way, the car limping along, to the exit where it died within a few steps from a large truck stop. I've slept, more than once, in a Wal-Mart parking lot, quilts pulled over me so that stray policeman or parking lot security did not see me. Campers are allowed to park over night. People in cars are looked at as vagrants and are arrested. I've taken showers at the local YMCA. I've gone without eating even when I had money because I was afraid to spend it. I've worked my butt off, bought myself a really nice used car, paid the bills myself and even taken care of all the DMV stuff myself. In the midst of that I realized how ignorant of real life things I really was, and as Caleb's sister said to me when I stayed with her a couple of months ago, "You are the most naive woman (of any age) that I have ever met". She was right. It's funny because in my intelligence, faith and experience I have been called very 'wise'. What she meant though was in, as Caleb termed it, 'infrastructure' things. Yeah. That's where I wasn't good and it's not hard for me to admit that because I knew it. I've always known it. I used to beg to be shown the finances and I was pushed away at every turn. This experience has forced me, more than anything I've ever gone through, to grow up. I'm still silly, sassy, crazy POH, and I've always had a kind of sad side to me too, but I have a brokenness now and a distrust of people that I have never had before. Never. That's okay though because there is a verse that says that Jesus trusted NO man because He knew their hearts. That's kind of me now. I love everyone. I don't fully trust anyone. Lookin's song "Broken Wing" meant so much to me because the girl in the song had many of the same fears that I did. Over the past 2 1/2 years on the blogstream I have mentioned at times how I had dreams that I have given up on. Lots of them. Just like the song girl. I can't say for sure what dreams I should revive now and I admit to some fear of bringing them up out of the circular file of my brain for the fear of hoping again. But my name is not prisoneroffear, is it? It is prisonerofhope. I don't want to lose my hope. When all is gone faith, hope and love remain. All three are still intact in me, and I would like to keep it that way.

You can check out my newly remodeled blogs "The Truth According to POH", and "POH Revived" if you would like. I haven't added to "The Windemere Chronicles" recently but I am planning to continue that.

Love you all,

POH
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." ~Benjamin Disraeli